Yesterday (July 26th) was late grandpa Jack’s birthday so I made a special visit to his grave during my lunch break. Dad had the day off and met me there to say a few prayers – some scripted and some from the heart. There’s a huge rock waterfall within ear-shot that provided some really great background noise: the tranquil calming sound of water is much more ideal for clearing the mind than the sound of busy workday traffic. I did not realize how truly peaceful a cemetery could be.
After the quick and unexpected death of my grandma Linda, mom and her brother Darin helped grandpa pick out and pre-pay for his own funeral/burial service. Our family could more adequately begin the mourning process as most of the details were taken care of for the day when he’d be laid to rest next to his bride.
So here, both of their earthly bodies lie.
I had not felt the need to visit family graves until last All Souls Day (11/2 annually) when I made my first purposeful visit to grandma’s grave along with husband Paul’s grandfather’s grave. I’ll do a separate post for that event as we get closer to the date.. The intentional visits were something I enjoyed very much and hope to expand on it in the years to come!
Seriously, guys… I found party activities involving hymns, scriptures, cemetery walks and candlelight <3
Anywho, being as how I feel compelled, now more than ever, to live each day intentionally with the love of God in my heart and the act of deeds on my mind, I was left feeling a bit defeated after doing a quick search online for visiting graves (outside of All Souls Day). Maybe I was being picky but it seemed like the personal experiences I came across weren’t “formal” or purposeful enough.
I totally get that people visit cemeteries mainly to reflect on the lives of their late loved ones… but I guess I was hoping to find a deeper reasoning or higher purpose of visiting that would lead me to feeling like there would be some sort of “spiritual” benefit, to take in or reflect on, well after the visit.
I found the Eternal Rest prayer first then stumbled onto more of a process of prayers, a structured list from someone before me. Here are the scripted prayers that I found online and recited out loud as I knelt on a patriotic beach towel before the headstone:
Prayer from the Roman Ritual when Visiting a Cemetery
✞ Make the Sign of the Cross: In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.
O God, the Creator and Redeemer of all the faithful, hear our supplications and through Thy infinite love and mercy graciously grant to the soul of Thy servant departed the remission of all (his/her) sins, by which (he/she) may have deserved the severity of Thy justice and punishments in the world to come. Grant to (him/her) grace and mercy before Thy tribunal, and let her attain to everlasting rest and happiness through the infinite merits of Jesus Christ. Amen.
The Lord’s Prayer:
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen. ✞
Hail Mary:
Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen. ✞
De Profundis (Psalm 129):
Out of the depths I have cried to thee, O Lord:
Lord, hear my voice. Let thy ears be attentive to the voice of my supplication.
If thou, O Lord, wilt mark iniquities: Lord, who shall stand it.
For with thee there is merciful forgiveness: and by reason of thy law, I have waited for thee, O Lord.
My soul hath relied on his word: My soul hath hoped in the Lord.
From the morning watch even until night, let Israel hope in the Lord.
Because with the Lord there is mercy: and with him plentiful redemption.
And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
Eternal rest grant unto them:
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord.
And let the perpetual light shine upon them.
May they rest in peace.
And may their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen. ✞
I thought these all were appropriate and fit together nicely but I’m not the one who created it so feel ABSOLUTELY free to add or subtract parts. There was a suggestion to sprinkle holy water on the grave right after making the sign of the cross. I deleted that part – I’m not seasoned enough yet to keep holy water around BUT it’s definitely been considered!
One last thought. I wanted to light a small candle on the headstone during the prayers and I would have, but it’s been terribly dry and in the 90’s for temp this week… so that part was sadly skipped.
In the past, I’ve used small tea light or votive candles and left them to burn out.
Pretty sure most cemeteries have a NO FLAME/FIRE policy but, in my heart of hearts, I felt it was needed so I lit the candles. St. Patrick’s Catholic Church in Cedar Rapids has a really great store that offers Catholic gifts and all the little nick-nacky things you never knew you wanted. Devine Mercy Gifts – that’s where I found a bunch of my pocket-sized prayer cards and most recently grabbed a pack of tiny 10-minute candles. They’re usually marketed towards setting aside some intentional time for “whatever”…
go to a secluded spot, light the tiny candle, and spend your time lost in God’s good book or praying for others or journaling until the flame dies out.
Then it’s back to the real world! I’ve only used these twice but they’re pretty cute and I can appreciate the idea behind it.
Expiation for the Dead. 38 Judas rallied his army and went to the city of Adullam. As the seventh day was approaching, they purified themselves according to custom and kept the sabbath there. 39 On the following day, since the task had now become urgent, Judas and his companions went to gather up the bodies of the fallen and bury them with their kindred in their ancestral tombs. 40 But under the tunic of each of the dead they found amulets sacred to the idols of Jamnia, which the law forbids the Jews to wear. So it was clear to all that this was why these men had fallen. 41 They all therefore praised the ways of the Lord, the just judge who brings to light the things that are hidden. 42 [g]Turning to supplication, they prayed that the sinful deed might be fully blotted out. The noble Judas exhorted the people to keep themselves free from sin, for they had seen with their own eyes what had happened because of the sin of those who had fallen. 43 He then took up a collection among all his soldiers, amounting to two thousand silver drachmas, which he sent to Jerusalem to provide for an expiatory sacrifice. In doing this he acted in a very excellent and noble way, inasmuch as he had the resurrection in mind; 44 for if he were not expecting the fallen to rise again, it would have been superfluous and foolish to pray for the dead. 45 But if he did this with a view to the splendid reward that awaits those who had gone to rest in godliness, it was a holy and pious thought. 46 Thus he made atonement for the dead that they might be absolved from their sin.
2 Maccabees 12: 38-46 NABRE
